Survivor One World – Episode 1

THE WOMEN’S SALANI TRIBE LEAVE JEFF SLACK JAWED! The usually talkative, confrontational Jeff Probst was completely dumb founded by the cat fight between Cristina and Alicia at Tribal.

Whoever told Alicia to “be herself” on this show couldn’t have given her any worse advice. Any similarity between her and a human being who should be teaching special education kids is purely coincidental! This woman is special in only one way. She’s a rude, mouthy, big butt idiot! She is truly a piece a’ work!

This season begins with the Salani and Manono Tribes arriving together only to discover that it’s “men against women” and both tribes are living on the same beach. There is no Redemption Island (thank God for small favors). The tribes are given 60 seconds to grab all they can from their truck. Michael, our resident banker, can’t resist stealing supplies from the women, thus setting the tone for a dog-eat-dog season.

Kim is our kick butt country gal who caught not one, but two, island chickens. Those little road warriors are nearly impossible to catch, except by an athletic, country girl. She is definitely a gal to be reckoned with this season. In direct response to the piracy of the guys, the women refused to share their chickens. Thus begins the game of “one-upman/woman ship. The men easily started one of the few friction fires ever started in the show, and then refused to trade fire for a chicken. As much as arrogant Matt wanted to “work together”, he was unable to stop the men of Manono from drawing lines in the sand.

Ultimately Christina negotiated a trade which set off a chain of events that caused Alicia to pitch a fit and fall in it at Tribal. Christina, a type of life coach, ended up yelling SHUT UP to Alicia. I’m personally surprised that she didn’t throw the F word in between the Shut and the Up! Kat sat in the middle hunched over her knees and hiding in her hoodie. This was one of the most heated Tribal’s ever. Sadly, Kourtney broke her arm in two places during a butt numbing challenge, and became the first casualty of Survivor One World. Too bad. She was a cutie who will soon be very forgotten by all except her Mama.

Chelsea proved to be one of the strongest and brightest members of the women’s tribe. Chelsea, Kim and Sabrina are by far the most interesting woman of Salani. Sabrina easily found the immunity idol which had to be shared with a member of Manono. Colton seemed to have stepped right off the set of The Birdcage. We have our very own gay cabaret player who is “one of the girls”, winning the heart of Sabrina and thus the immunity idol. He seems confident that he is the swing vote and, with the immunity idol, sees no reason to work for his tribe. He’s totally “nelly” and very funny. Hopefully he’ll stay around for a long time.

Leif, a little person with a very big spirit, is one the toughest players and hardest workers on Manono. He’s probably got a good long ride this season. Anyone who thinks he’s too small to make a difference has never been bit by a mosquito!

Big mouth Tarzan, an older plastic surgeon, has some wear and tear on him and he probably doesn’t have much of a chance with all the young stallions on his tribe. Outside of bravado, he seems to not bring much to the fire.

Troyzan basically makes me want to throttle him and his arrogant ways. He truly thinks his 50 trips around the sun makes him quite the muckety-muck on the tribe. He definitely thinks he’s the prize stallion at the stud farm. It’ll be fun to see him broke down to size.

Bill is the cutest thing on the men’s tribe followed closely by Jay. Jay is about as country as cactus and tall yellow corn. If for no other reason than the joy of listening to his accent, I’d like to keep him around awhile.

Personally, I think the men made the right decision by keeping fire to themselves until they could barter for something of value. I also would have made the call to send the women to tribal without finishing the challenge. This is Survivor, folks. The men are in it to win it.